Our Good Bye is NOT the End....

Coleman's celebration of life was Saturday, in Callender, Iowa. I'm just going to let Peggy, Coleman's mommy tell you about it. Be sure to click on the link to see the video. The link is in green, (John Deere Green) Coleman's favorite color. Coleman will live in my heart forever. I can't wait to meet him at the gate. There are too many I'm wanting to meet at the gate. I'm homesick....Gaye

One Day At a Time...
"Coleman often asked, “when is it dunna be my enda- teemo party mommy?” My answer was always “as soon as you’re finished, we’re going to have THE BIGGEST party sweetie.” He and Caden planned it many times-

Yesterday’s celebration of Coleman’s life was everything I KNOW he would have wanted his party to be.It was the most beautiful day of sunshine on a fresh snow. Pastor Kent did an amazing job that Coleman would have definitely approved of 100%. It included all of Coleman’s favorites, and such a wonderful message. Thank you Pastor! Yes, there were tears, but they weren’t for Coleman- they were for the rest of us left here missing all he brought to this world and all he would have brought to the party if he had been there in person.

I believe with all my heart that he WAS there, and I know he was smiling. He would want us to smile too. I didn’t want to focus on all we’ve lost- we know that, but instead we wanted to focus on all we’ve been given in the miracle that was Coleman.

Maybe it’s because Scott and I never knew if we would be able to have ONE baby, and how blessed we always knew we were to have TWO. We absolutely knew the amazing gift Coleman was from his first day here, and so we cherished the 1,851 days with him…each and every one of them. We have so many wonderful memories. Boy did we have it all. To say he changed our lives (and so many others) is an understatement.

Many times during this journey, I prayed so hard, “God….. PLEASE SAVE HIM!” I heard a whisper in my ear, “But he’s already saved, and so are the rest of you.” I thought about that so much yesterday. I also thought about the time Coleman was in karate class in New York and the teacher was working on meditating. She asked them to close their eyes as they were doing their breathing exercises…and to imagine the most beautiful thing they could think of. Coleman closed his eyes and whispered with this little smile on his face, “Dod.” Scott and I looked at each other with tears in our eyes and smiled. That memory came to me several times yesterday.

As much as we are in pain, we know we will be together again. Our Good Bye is NOT the end…which was the video played at Coleman’s service…

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PnDx26D_JuA

I have much to share on the celebration, and I will…its just way too much to type out now, but I’ll get it down eventually- be patient with me…To say we were overwhelmed BEFORE- well after yesterday, we are just plain in shock…. So many wonderful, amazing people! How blessed we are to live in this community! How blessed we are to know how many lives Coleman touched! Thank you to all of you who shared Coleman’s life with us!!!

Many have asked about Caden….Caden is handling things just as well as he can. Someone mentioned he has lost his best friend. I think in many ways Coleman was his ONLY friend, as we didn’t hang around kids regularly for fear of germs and keeping Cman safe with his counts.Caden was Coleman’s caregiver in so many ways and did absolutely everything Coleman asked of him. They were side by side 24/7. He kept Coleman feisty and loved on him every chance he got. They were a team. Toward the end he felt it was his job to “help Coe-man fight harder.” We’re doing a lot of talking about the last night we were all together, and what has happened since, and what’s to come, but just a little at a time. I tried reading him books about it and he held up his hand and said, “SOP! This is too sad and too much for me. I can’t hannel it! We’re gonna make a new rule. When I say SOP you hafta sop talkin, and when I say GO you can sart again.”I said, “okay Caden…” He said, “I DINNIT SAY GO YET!”So I just hug him and hold him as much as he’ll let me. He’ll talk when HE’s ready.

Yes, he’s lost his other half, but he’s doing as well as can be expected.Has he cried? Yes. has he laughed? Yes. Has he asked a lot of questions? Some. More to come I’m sure.

He’s been even bouncier than usual, but it’s just because he doesn’t know what to do with himself. He never was the “talker” of the two- how could he be with Coleman doing all of the talking? :) But he’s opened up a little at a time. He doesn’t like to see people sad…and asked us at the visitation if we could “just a-vite alla these people out to our house so we can have a party wifout anybody cryin?”As we went to bed that night I said, “let's say our prayers.”He said, “I only have ONE prayer” and whispered, “I love you Coe-man. Amen.” He slept in the middle while Scott and I hugged and hugged him. I know he’s hurting so much, but we're being patient with him as he talks about it a little at a time.

When we pulled in our driveway from the celebration yesterday he said, “I miss him already.” I said, “I know, me too buddy.” He said, “but God sill loves us, ann we’re sill TEAM LARSON.” Scott and I both assured him that was so true. We’ll always be a team.

He sat there and said, “well… ONE good thing…… I guess I get his piggy bank!”We couldn’t help but crack up laughing. That’s Caden- looking on the bright side- and wanting us to do the same. I told him Coleman would want him to have it, and maybe he could think of something nice to do for someone else with the money in it.

Some have asked when he’s going to go to school. I told him when HE was ready he could go. His teacher stopped over and wanted to know if he wanted to come to school with her last week. He got nervous and bouncy and said, “I’ll call ya when I wanna.” She asked if he wanted her number, and he said, “……no.”

Cracked me up. Sorry Kim! We just aren’t going to rush him with anything and are going to let him take his own sweet time. I know he'll wake up one morning and be ready. We know it will be good for him and he will love it…but there will be no pushing from us. There’s no hurry.

Will he make it through this? Yes, just like the rest of us… one day at a time, with our faith and the love of our family members who are hurting too. We'll get through it together.

Like I said, there’s so much I want to get down, but I need to take my time here too-One request I do have is for prayers for our church family. Our church – Our Saviour’s Lutheran Church- in Callender was broken into last night! All that I know so far is a flat screen tv with some video equipment was taken. I’m sure other things as well…they were still investigating during church this morning.As our pastor said, we need to pray for whoever did this. It saddens me so much on top of everything else.

As we left the church yesterday, Pastor Kent chased us down with my laptop that I had at the church the past couple of days with the video for Coleman’s service on it. I’m so thankful it wasn’t left last night, as it was the only copy of the video I had…I hadn’t loaded it to UTube yet, or made a copy, so if there’s a bright side for us, it’s that….. still we’re saddened for the other things that were taken. In my heart, I know those things can be replaced and with the community we live in, we’ll see to it they are. Still prayers for our church family would be appreciated.

Also prayers for the way too many little warriors continuing in this fight. Scott told one of the other families yesterday, “we’re still a cancer family”. How could we not be? We’ll do everything we can to continue to raise awareness and funding for Childhood Cancer Research. I have a lot planned for the future…so you’ll be hearing from me again and again-

As the 1,851 balloons said yesterday, “Nev-va div up.” For the so many people who were involved in working so hard on those balloons- our deepest thanks! It was beautiful, amazing, just too much for words and it meant so much to us! THANK YOU!

Thank you to everyone who has sent messages, cards, etc. Please don’t worry that you’ll say something wrong to us! Believe me, I KNOW I’ve said some stupid things the past couple of days- and will probably continue to do so!We don’t know what to say either… so we would never hold anyone’s wording against them.Just knowing so many people were touched by Coleman means so much to us. We appreciate you taking the time to let us know you care. THANK YOU!

We love and miss you Coleman.You did a great job sweetie. More to come. "

Blessings to you all,

Team Larson

P.S. (this is Gaye's thoughts)....God is so good to bring people like Team Larson into our lives...Coleman accomplished so much on this earth in his short 1,851 days here. We can learn so much from him and his family. God bless you Team Larson.

"OUR GOOD BYE IS NOT THE END"

The post I didn't want to make...

I am broken hearted....again! January 5, 2009 at 10:45 pm my little hero, Coleman won his fight. He is home, he is in no more pain, he is free!!! As you know, I never met this little fighter in person, but oh how I learned so much from him through his CarePage. If you haven't visited his page, you have missed out on a blessing. You can visit by clicking on his picture to the left. He spent half of his short 5 years on this earth battling the monster we call cancer. Yet he had more faith than anyone I know.

The past month or so has been so hard on so many I love. I've really had to be careful to not question God. My prayer life has steadily gotten stronger in the past couple of years than it has ever been, but my prayers aren't being answered the way I think they should be. Don't get me wrong, I know our petitions to God aren't going to be answered the way we want every time. Coleman taught me so much. He knew where he came from, he was poked, scanned, endured chemo & radiation, took too many meds to count, was told he didn't have cancer anymore, went through a bone marrow transplant, told he had cancer again, endured chemo again, poked even more, scanned again and again, lost his ability to walk or talk or swallow, yet his faith in God never waivered, because he knew where he was going. His lessons will linger on forever in the lives of those who knew him (personally and through CarePages). I am learning (more and more after each heartbreak) that God isn't always going to answer my prayers the way I want Him to. His ways are not my ways, as much as I wish they were. He sees the whole picture, where as I just see bits and pieces. It's so hard, and no, I probably won't stop questioning God....because I'm human, but one day, Lord willing, I will understand. AND because I am human, I am angry, not at God, but because somehow we can send a man to the moon, we can build a house that runs completely on solar power, we can etc., etc., but we still don't have a cure for this absolutely horrible disease that is killing our children (and adults). 46 precious children are diagnosed with cancer every school day. That is unbelievable, but true.

The Larson family, along with several CarePage families have researched childhood cancer research sights and have found that with most, only a very small percentage (2-10%) donated actually goes to Childhood Cancer Research. Only through Curesearch.org does almost all (90%+) goes to CCR. That is where my donations will go from now on.

Coleman's mother, Peggy is amazing also. She said that through this journey, she has learned to pray for God's will to be done in her child's life. She believes that God's will was done through Coleman. The more lessons I learned through this hero of mine, I believe it too.

Caden, Coleman's twin brother is dealing with this the best way he can. Mom & Dad are showering him with love. Keep him in your prayers. I can't imagine what must be going through his mind.

I want to thank everyone who prayed for Coleman's healing. He really did win the battle...he is free. Please continue to keep Team Larson in your prayers.

"While we mourn, others rejoice to meet him at the gate"

Rest in Peace Coleman.....12/10/03~1/5/09

Continuing to catch up...

Ok, moving on...Another rather exciting event on Tuesday, December 23, was the arrival of our great-niece, AraBelle Nicole Ishee. After several fretful trips to the hospital over the past 9 months or so and a long 23 hours of labor for her mother, Casey, AraBelle decided to make her appearance at 11:40 pm. She is perfect, of course and came out weighing 7lbs. 9oz. and was 21.5 in. long. Welcome to the world AraBelle....

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On Wed., Dec. 24 we celebrated Christmas with Bobby's family at our house. Not everyone was able to make it, but we managed to have a good time anyway. Casey and AraBelle were unable to be here for obvious reasons, just as Alison and I couldn't 16 short years ago. There was food galore. There was a zoo of dogs, including our 2, Lexi & Lola, then there was Shooter (chocolate Lab) who belongs to Bethany & Marc and Lilly (weimeraner, I know that's not spelled right, but she's a BIG dog) who belongs to Chris and of course the lone cat, Zeke. So it was a day of fun for family and pets. Here are a few pictures from the get-together.... Noah & Alison......

(sweet??) Garrett & Alison....

Marc & Bethany.... Brady, Lucas & Piper.....
Marc, Roger (Bob's Brother), Vicki (Bob's Sister), Garrett, Micah & Katie....
Garrett & Eric....
Bobby & Abbey.....
Family is a great thing....especially when they can be together on Christmas Eve.......

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Once everyone left and Bobby went to work....yes, he was on shift and had to work Christmas Eve until Christmas morning :(, So the girls and I went to see AraBelle and Casey for a while. She was still perfect, see........

Once we (actually I) had my fix for the night, we returned home for a warm winter's nap until Santa came and Bobby returned from work....

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Christmas morning I got up to start breakfast before everyone got up (yes, I know, very out of character for me, but hey, it's Christmas:)) I knew once the smell permeated the house, Bobby would show up to finish the task, which he did....Am I blessed or what??? Anyway, once the girls got up and we ate, we all commenced to opening gifts..... Alison seems happy, and that is a good thing... Abbey is happy too....good thing again....
Santa even thought the dogs were good and brought them something....
What? Zeke too....hummm

A few things my sweet husband gave me this Christmas....some of my favorites....Reba (seasons 1-4), Mamma Mia!!, Army Wives (season 1) and The Note...by the way is probably my new favorite movie. Thanks sweetie!! I love you!!

The big gift was this beauty, my new wireless Photoshop Keyboard and mouse. I guess that means I have to learn myself and quit giving everything to my better half. I think I'm up for the challenge.....

THEN, the best sister-in-law on earth, Vicki (Bobby's sister) gave me my now favorite coffee mug. It says "love the moment", and that's exactly what I try to do....life is so short!! And yes, I like a little coffee with my creamer. She always says I'm hard to buy for, but she always comes through with THE BEST gifts!!:) She also made a donation to St. Jude's Children's Hospital, in my name. How cool is that?? She knows how passionate I am for all those precious kids fighting for their lives. I am truly blessed with the best family. Thanks Vicki!!

Yes, Lexi, that's all....

Well, after all of the gift opening, cleaning up, and getting dressed, we kept our Christmas tradition alive and went to the movies. It was very obvious that there are many families in Calhoun County who have this tradition, as the movie theatre was packed. This year we say "The Curious Case of Benjamin Button". A very good, very deep and very long movie, one I highly recommend!!

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Moving on to Friday, Dec. 26.....we had to have our AraBelle fix, especially since she is home now. We went to see the best Christmas gift this season, oh, and her mommy, daddy and big brothers. Still perfect and of course another photo shoot....

Big Brother Noah and Princess AraBelle... Well that is how the Christmas season went around the Phillips' house. I pray that everyone was as blessed as we were. I wish you all a happy, safe and blessed New Year.

"May we all count our blessings daily this New Year"